I faded out of blogging here, and anywhere, basically because I was breaking up with the internet. I continued to read a few people sporadically, but I stopped commenting, stopped participating in forums, stopped reading current events with a mind to what my personal spin on it would be. It was just all feeling so repetitive and routinized, finding yet another representative example of something that manifested the same political or personal outrage I had expressed elsewhere. I can’t remember the last time I read a comment thread or followed the links around a blog war, and when I do, I couldn’t even muster the energy to react, emotionally or intellectually. The spark, I suppose, was gone.
But I miss writing not-for-school, and whatever my intentions may be, I never seem to make the time to do it except when I’m posting it on a blog. So I’ve decided to try to go back to using it as a space for writing, rather than blogging per se. I’ve noticed a pattern among bloggers I continue to read and admire (Lisa, for example, or the absolutely indomitable bfp), which is that while they write on blogs, they don’t lose the message for the medium, as it were.
At one point, blogging allowed me to exercise my intellect, to find space for critical thinking and cultural critique and questioning and consideration when I was no longer in school. As I became a student again, it got more and more challenging to blog in that way, not only because time became more scarce, but because I was using that kind of energy constantly for school. Not to mention the fact that I was learning so much, it felt like whatever I could capture in short, blog-length entries was a woefully inadequate representation of my thought processes and conceptualizations as they had become. Now, what I’m lacking is writing-just-to-write, without a sense of rigid expectations and structures and scrutinized argument.
I miss it, and apparently, on some level, I need it.